Tom Clegg
When the average Christian hears the word "evangelism," what comes to mind? From my informal surveys, I've heard the following word associations ...
And as a pastor, what if even 10 percent of your congregation was equipped to have these types of conversations with those around them? What kind of difference do you think that would make?
A Different Kind of Conversation
As I write this, I'm sitting at a booth in my favorite pub. I love the ambiance, the staff and it's mostly quiet. Sometimes I can write and study here, but mostly I come for the conversation. Lively, spirited, largely philosophical and occasionally very personal. A while back, a mutual friend introduced me to a cool guy named Luis. We'd chatted a few times. Then one day, in typical guy fashion, we were talking while watching a ball game on the plasma screen TV above our table. We talked about everything and nothing - sports, jobs, politics, spouses and life in general. Then, bit by bit, he began telIing me his story. After a while I asked,
"TeIl me, Luis, how do you handle the longing you have in your heart for meaning?"
"What are you saying?" he responded.
"'You told me of the many painful and traumatic things which have happened to you, and that you decided to stop believing in God. I hear your pain. So now my question is, how do you now make sense of life? Where do you go or what do you hang on to for meaning?"
As we talked about all kinds of attempts to find meaning, he said he ended up feeling all the more meaningless. The conversation was turning into a downer, so we got up from our seats and went over to shoot some pool. After completely humiliating me at the pool table, he asked, "How do you know these things about me?"
A Coaching Approach
This was the beginning of a conversation - not a sales pitch - that resulted in Luis coming to know the God who created him. If we're sensitive to the needs of others, we can become more life-giving witnesses. By cooperating with the Holy Spirit, who draws people like Luis to God, we can be used by God simply by being understanding.
With this approach, the Christ-follower is not the one with all the answers but the one who is curious, who asks questions that move the conversation deeper, who listens to the answers. Rather than believers directing the conversation to where we want it to go, we can simply listen how the Holy Spirit is already at work within the person to whom we're talking. The resulting conversations are natural and engaging rather than pressured and artificial.
The trouble is, this might sound easy, but it isn't. Most of us lack the skills necessary to ask questions well and listen well. Essentially, we lack coaching skills - but coaching skills can be learned.
What is coaching? It is the process of coming alongside someone to help them listen to the Holy Spirit. The Spirit directs the process - we don't. And that's hard for most of us. Coaching requires qualities like patience, curiosity, openness and trust. We listen, ask questions and reflect back what we're hearing.
Instead of consulting or advising, which just dole out information or advance an agenda, coaching draws out and discovers. Therefore, coaching is a powerful tool in the hands of Christ-followers who desire to engage not-yet-Christ-followers in meaningful, redemptive conversation. By not presuming "in or out" in terms of salvation and instead focusing on where someone is on their spiritual journey, a coach can help empower a person in that journey.
By engaging with people in this way, we are freed from the pressure of being the expert - and others are freed from being pressured by the expert! We are reading the context and letting them lead the way. Not everyone is at the same place on their spiritual journey, and not everyone experiences God in the same way. By taking a coaching posture, we don't insist that others come to God in the same way that we have. Their journey may very well look different from ours. We need to meet others where they are - both metaphorically and literally.
Jesus’ Kind of Party
Jesus met people where they were. He didn't expect them to meet Him at the temple. He socialized with sinners, tax collectors and prostitutes on their own turf. He engaged them in conversation where they were comfortable. He even seemed to like it.
As he walked along, he saw Levi son of Alphaeus sitting at the tax collector's booth. "Follow me," Jesus told him, and Levi got up and followed him. While Jesus was having dinner at Levi's house, many tax collectors and sinners were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the sinners and lax collectors, they asked his disciples: "Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?" -Mark 2:14-16, TNIV
Levi has thrown a dinner party and invited all of his tax collector friends - along with some other unspecified sinners - to meet Jesus. Imagine the gathering: Levi, Jesus, tax collectors, Jesus' disciples, sinners. Jesus made a habit of these kinds of interactions. He seemed to have conversations with people regularly along the way during His ministry. Remember His encounters with the rich young ruler Nicodemus and the woman at the well? He was always watching for the moments when the Spirit of God might be at work.
When we become a part of other people's world instead of expecting them to become a part of ours, we sometimes see a whole network of people experience the transforming power of the Gospel. There is often one person who is initially receptive to the Gospel - a Levi - who is then connected to a broader network of people. It's not so much an individual process, but a relational and connectional one that gains in impact by allowing people the freedom to process the Gospel in their own environments with their own natural communities.
When we know the contexts - because we are a part of them - we know what kinds of questions are the most appropriate to ask. We understand where people are on their journey and what matters to them. We ask people about themselves, their hobbies and interests, their experiences, their dreams, hopes and fears, their disappointments and achievements. We ask interesting and engaging questions Iike …
What was it about that experience that was so meaningful to you?
What did you learn from that experience?
If you could do that or face that experience again, what would you have changed or kept the same?
Why do you think experiences are so much more valuable than possessions?
That obviously touched you deeply. What gave it so much impact for you?
How has it changed your life since then?
What do you like most about yourself?
Tell me about the happiest time of your life.
If I were to ask three of your closest friends for their funniest story about you, what stories would they tell?
When you were young, what dld you want to be when you grew up?
What do you still want to be?
Do you like who you've become?
Do you think it's possible for people to honestly change? Why is that?
What makes a person good?
What makes a person trustworthy?
Do you naturally trust or distrust people? Why do you suppose that is?
What gives people hope? What happens to people when they lose hope?
Do you generally look forward to or dread tomorrow? Why?
Where do you think most people find meaning in their Iives?
How do you hope to be remembered?
Who do you know who has made the world a better place? Why do you say that?
How are you making the world better?
Not all at once, of course. And not to people with whom we have no relationship. But when we do know people, they often appreciate our curiosity and engagement with them. Most people want to go beneath the surface - they just don't know how.
By listening to the Spirit of God, asking good questions and listening well, we can take a different approach to evangelism - one that will not only be inoffensive but culturally relevant and, more importantly, welcomed. Imagine what a difference that would make in your congregation, your conversations and your community.
Dr. Tom Clegg is president of CoachNet North America (www.coachnet.org). His passion is to initiate innovative strategies for the rapid development of missional movements. He lives in Iowa with his wife, Jodi, and their teenage daughters.
This article first appeared in Neue Quaterly Vol. 3 (Spring 2009), pp. 65-68 (online version: http://www.mygazines.com/issue/1311/66). Used with permission by the author.
